For a while now I am working with a very special book , called "THE ARTIST'S WAY", by Julia Cameron.
It came to me through a friend that had already done this 12 weeks programm.
I must say , I did not really consider myself as an ARTIST.., but I AM a creator, right and to some extent I could sense a deeper meaning to it. Right now I am finishing "week 10" , although nothing new really came up, like I did a great painting.
Nevertheless, even in subtil bases, big shifts occur., changes seem to happen faster, I seem even more aware of patterns, and myself.
Magic happens ONLY through me opening up, going from old to new : Self love- self worth, my communication and connection with others becomes clearer.
I am sitting here in my sleeping room in Hamburg, where i just experienced my first houesit: took care of a cat, NANOU.....
In reality , it was about going "more " NEW..new ways of how things should happen , new ways of how answers, help, creations , wonders, should come to me.
Indeed, again i just can but BOW in front of my human...she ( nearly wrote IT...) is so bold , courageous almost at a point of where she just can't do anything but dropping of the swords....sounds like i am talking of ADAM, dropping his sword..
What a blessing all this adventure , this experience here is .I had such a resistence..no , my aspects gave me some headaches at a point i wanted to cancel, one day before leaving.....Truly!!
!And THANK ME, that i am aware of my Self in such a way, that i could see behind it all. I allowed myself to feel the resistence and went for it anyway...
I woke up this morning after a short night, have been out with a friend , .feeling clear and clean : i had little alcool ..and the evening we had was something from a life i used to have before ( loud music, many people...)
And..i had this picture...as a MASTER i design my life the way i want it to be...going into EXPERIENCE...
nothing more , nothing less...a sensual experience..sometimes , and to me more and more as if i am watching a movie in cinema.....a big production with not only one topic, no sometimes a drama ( but only a few sequences , short..), or adventure..scary movie like..comedie most of the time
, and love....And i am in both position : MAIN ACTOR ...and OBSERVER ( sounds a bit like HUMAN and MASTER)
It came to me this WEBDESIGNING and DESIGNING MY LIFE..out of a short discussion i had with a waiter yesterday evening.... My mastersoul just showing me the hole picture, the BIG PICTURE of it. LIVING in mass consciousness is rather an unconscious creating , designed life ( some make it up to angels or destiny)
Yesterday, 17.1 was my 40+ Birthday!!Yeah...:))
And I had decided just to have a nice great day on my own..had some little ideas, but allowed myself to let it come to me.
Waking up I already could feel it coming up smoothy from underneath..my old friend...(rather a dark grimmy grunchy jelli pirate.)
A simple glance on my cellphone seemed enough to call him back furth!!..THE "ITS MY BIRTHDAY :::AND NO ONE has been THINKING OF ME till now..just FORGOT ME..(sniff!..)
"You see, I told ya!!( the jelli one whispers from the off)..BLAME it on you...got what you deserve!!
Just to show you the fun and irony: IT IS just ABOUT 10 o clock in the morning....
After a call from an old friend ,Raphael I took my car and drove to the city center of Luxemburg.:I wanted to try the new modern glass elevator that takes you from the "upper city down to the "Paffenthal, oldtown part of Luxemburg.(.in my imagination, I thought it was rather fast and could give me a hence on what it feels like doing a jump from an heli)
...just can tell you IT IS NOT!!! A SLUG was faster, but I have to admit the view is AWESOME!!And the sun was there as well!
Then after a nice walk through the park in the oldtown I came to the main center and feeling hungry , I found myself a place for lunch...
....While waiting for my meal, I took time to check what FILM I had downloaded this morning.
This POOR ME...etc..this hole old crab, old layers that just took advanteg to show up in a sweet sensible moment..rather a kind of state I am actually..creating space for NEW, letting go old..ALLOWING The Master in etc..and yes it did feel wirred and not nice....nevertheless for a short moment THAT day my human and some aspects were struggling...One part of me did not want to feel this. I WANTED TO FEEL LIKE A GLORIOUS MASTER ON HIS BIRTHDAY...not a Glorious B....:)
...And, The GIFT lies in these moments..where I just can sit in my car (BENCH).. "ok . I Master see , feel and hear you..but the captain of this ship has changed ,breathing ,allowing it all flow through.
..whether people on social media cheered me because FB reminded them of my day or not, says nothing of WHO I am , my ability of making deep
connections with people I choose to invite in my space.
I also saw myself trying to make THIS DAY SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL: got ya:))) Master C is proud of me!!
IAM proud of MY SELF...WHY Just on so called " special days " only allowing to gift myself : this can be a spa day and
dinner, or something I do on a regular base (walk , BE in nature, barefoot through the grass, ( and even if it is ALWAYS the
Isn't it all about I feel about? Rather than the price/ cost.?
..and my day was perfect : champagne during a skype call with my friend in Berlin ,swinging on a kids playground with a black golden sky over m
SO thanks to ME and all of you that without knowing it helped me through new realisations and clear ups this day!!!
The last few weeks I observed and followed this BENCHING thing on FB
Although during my walks through nature I do rest on a bench.. but not in the mindset this phenomen really ( was about.
..until this morning..:
I had decided that today was a perfect CHRISTIANE GIFTING DAY. !!meaning , have a nice lunch with myself , then relax the afternoon in a spa...!!
Packed my bag for the Spa ..And..there IT was again..could feel already the OLD WELL KNOWN DARK ONE ..popping up each time I just wanna do something nice and fun for me..just like this..no special reason....
Hi dear, do you really mean that its appropiate spending , rather spoiling money for stupid pleasures ...in YOUR SITUATION..hein..( I do not work for the moment)
Meanwhile my Master already relaxed in a nice sun chair, bikini , and a fresh juicy cocktail in her hand..I knew she was there, would stay beside me....(think she just want to see how my human is getting along.
I Am the only one that takes decision on how I want spend my money
.no chance for any Aspect in whatever form it shows up.
Till now it was rather a bbig muggle pool
Now, in 2017 It is enough.. so finally I found myself in my car , SITTING there, my todays bench just allowing , with every breath in , breath out, let it all flow through. JUST ALLOWING!! TODAY I did it MY NEW WAY..MORE to come soon!!
Freedom..a word ..and so many "Faces".
I would like to go little deeper with it..For me it is also in connection to abundance mostly in connection to
But when I allow my self really feel into it , It Is about : having the freedom to make plans ( WHAT!! PLans!!) , and then change them ..just because.( dear human therefore plans are crab!")
An example from real life:))?
Few days ago, I had planed meeting someone from a group in Maastricht, she had invited me to her place.
Iwas thinking about perhaps this time going by car instead of train.( seemed faster and beeing just with me)
Yes I do drive, but rarely over my usual ways around Luxemburg.. " comfort zone:)))
This time my human aspect wanted to PROVE : I CAN DO THIS!!
THIS does not sound like A CLEAR AND CONSCIOUS DECISION!
did not really sleep well....
SOMEHOW this morning , a quick look outside made me change : we go for the train.
NOW the FUN begins: I called the train station..next train going in 5, ok too late!..Suddenly the lady from the train office interups me
:oh wait, the train employee said: oh unfortunately the train HAS A 30 MINUTES delay!!!
MASTER nearly laid down on the floor bursting in laughter...READY GOOOO!Not to mention that the hole journey went on smothy toes..and not to speak of the stay .( hello abundance, hello princess:))..the way back home..
ABUNDANCE and the FREEDOM to decide for MYSELF..Travel when where I want , eat drink whenever ..and yes ASPECTS still do show up, even seem to speed up in intensity..and Allowing it all, trusting more and more the MASTER inside... letting go of limitations coming from the mind.
SO FREEDOM IS ALL THAT I WANT IT TO BE :))
I discovered recently something very intresting..How to put new programms in my mind and by doing so ..connecting new emotions and new experiences to my life
A friend told me about Joe Dispenza (author and coach) or Alexander Hartmann, both have intrsting theories on HOW WE CAN CHANGE OUR WAYS OF CREATING; BY CHANGING OUR WAYS OF THINKING.
Perhaps you do experience in some way what I mean..:Sometimes when I'm with others I ( "or whoever speaks in that moment..not Me", says my Master with slight disgust in her voice) open my mouth and WORDS come out of it..and ..it 's like a part of me turns round to see if someone else behind me let out this crab!
Not so long ago, I would have argued myself and judged hard for this.
What I find intresting in the above mentioned ideas, is that it ALL starts with MY CONSCIOUS ; CLEAR DECISION to be willing to change ..and that it starts by beeing present in the NOW...make clear what I allow coming , how I wanna live and feel in this new..and by allowing this NEW DATA base , produce new synapses in my mind , feelings and therefore new results..I CREATE MYSELF THIS NEW LIFE,
WHO else would be able to do so..as I created it ALL myself till now..consciously or not.
It all makes sense to me...and it is just one way of possiblities to create..
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