About Birthdays, Expectations and MUD-Diving

Yesterday, 17.1 was my 40+ Birthday!!Yeah...:)) 

And I had decided just to have a nice great day on my own..had some little ideas, but allowed myself to let it come to me.



Waking up  I already could feel it coming up smoothy  from underneath..my old friend...(rather a dark grimmy grunchy jelli pirate.)


A  simple glance on my cellphone seemed enough to call him back furth!!..THE "ITS MY BIRTHDAY :::AND NO ONE has been THINKING OF ME  till now..just FORGOT ME..(sniff!..)


"You see, I told ya!!( the jelli one whispers from the off)..BLAME it on you...got what you deserve!!

Just to show you the fun and irony: IT IS just ABOUT 10 o clock in the morning....

After a call from an old friend ,Raphael I took my car and drove to the city center of Luxemburg.:I wanted to try the new  modern glass elevator that takes you from the "upper city down to the "Paffenthal, oldtown part of Luxemburg.(.in my imagination, I thought it was rather fast and could give me a hence on what it feels like doing a jump from an heli)  

...just can tell you IT IS  NOT!!!  A SLUG was faster, but I  have to admit the view is AWESOME!!And the sun was there as well!


Then after a nice walk through the park in the oldtown I came to the main center and feeling hungry , I found myself a place for lunch...


....While waiting for my meal, I  took time to check what FILM I  had downloaded this morning.



This POOR ME...etc..this hole old crab, old layers that just took advanteg to show up in a sweet sensible moment..rather a kind of  state  I am actually..creating space for NEW, letting go old..ALLOWING  The Master  in  etc..and yes it did  feel  wirred and not nice....nevertheless for a short moment THAT day my human   and some aspects were struggling...One part of me did not want to feel this. I WANTED TO FEEL LIKE A GLORIOUS MASTER ON HIS BIRTHDAY...not a Glorious B....:)

...And, The GIFT lies in these moments..where  I  just can sit in my car (BENCH).. "ok . I Master see , feel and hear you..but the captain of this ship has changed  ,breathing ,allowing it all flow through.




..whether people on social media cheered me because FB reminded them  of my day or not, says nothing of WHO  I  am ,  my ability  of  making  deep connections with people  I choose  to invite  in my space.

I also saw myself  trying to make THIS DAY  SOMETHING  REALLY SPECIAL:  got ya:)))        Master  C is proud of me!!   IAM proud of MY SELF...WHY  Just on so called  " special  days  " only  allowing  to gift  myself  : this can  be  a spa day  and  dinner, or something I do  on a  regular  base  (walk , BE  in nature, barefoot  through  the  grass,   ( and even if it is ALWAYS the same).


Isn't it all about  I feel  about? Rather than  the price/ cost.?



..and my day was perfect  : champagne  during  a skype  call with  my friend  in  Berlin ,swinging on a kids playground with a black golden sky  over m

SO thanks to ME and all of you that without knowing it helped me through new realisations and clear ups this day!!!

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