Integrating the Feeling Of HOME

I have spent an intense weekend with the Masters Hub group 10 days ago. Although we had a lots of fun with our creations and the variety of their expressions, and of course good food and celebrations, it went deep and shifted more than just mountains..dimensions.

    The days after, spent some more days in Naarden on my own, i came in touch with some old wounded part of me.?!! 

 

 

 

 

  Since i was 13 or 14 (even before, but not in that intensity) i hoped that  "my parents will reveal me one day that i had been adopted!!!i was in tears and didn't want go back home at that time whenever i had spent a weekend at my friends home...it felt wrong.

The many years after i either "forgot" , had boyfriends, partners job..you know "THINGS YOU DO IN LIFE LIKE EVERYBODY"...but still....

Feeling good till now always and only was related to others, always depending on a group..everybody but me...

Oh hell i was good to make myself fit into the actual situation , when i felt it was not that appropriate...

 

 

 

There was an old pain of beeing separated going far to the time we went through the firewall....and yes also the illusion of separation by making myself believe  I AM  COMPLETE through others.

The Masters group is definitly part of this old known trip..very inspiring  for all of us...and in a way that i miss in the place i live right now..

 

 

 

While writing these lines i become aware of the wonderful story i created and maintained to stay in that illusionary lalaland...And i  have decided to end this today!

 

 

 

 

Back home a week  ago i decided to find myself a support in the group, S. the founder of Masters Hub . For 3 days we worked together , I allowing and opening up , comitted to MY SELF . * days deep cleansing intense and with ease, breathing , taking care of myself , attentioned benching in bed  as i slept a lot (integration made easy), or in a warm bath with nice oil, and salt followed by a massage....

 

The hole process went really smooth, because of MY ALLOWING it..WE each know that separation is an illusion to maintain old patterns , believes, drama, not having to take full respnsability for myself...still the spining wheel turns on endless ..until I become aware and stop it!!

 

For some time i feel like i want leave my appartment, even this country...to move to Germany or Holland...2 years ago i had the same with Hamburg..great city, i really thought about moving ...until i realised  that not all was really fine for me...i just made it up, lied to me  to make it LOOK NICE...same story, diffrent setting!!

 

 

 

Finally after these 3 days of  deep going into myself, i woke up with a feeling of " BEEING PREGNANT WITH ME"..My MasterSOUL till now popped up here and then , when i called for her help....first time for manny many years i didn't have the urge to run away from my appartment, rather myself( as if i couldn't stand beeing  with me)..very exhausting as a situation....the well known gladiator pushing me through the arena.. DO Come ON ..PUSH PUSH PUSH.....stories:)))

 

For mor than 40 years ( gosh really?!!!) i was in desperate to find this...What i didn't want to see is : IT ALWAYS WAS THERE, I pushed it away...in every  creatif way possible..no judging!

Since then i enjoy beeing on my own,  outside while walking through nature...having a coffee  or in my appartment..i actually don't even want to meet someone or talk to someone.. words become for the moment like spreading  the energy ....like words out of meaning, appreciating the only conversation with myself..and in silence, just sensing!

 

I know it is part of the integrating "work" , i am just ok with that.

 

 

What happens then , is that i still want move away, but the focus on which i start this is completely changed..more open and free and souvereign!

 

My Mastersoul  is now the captain of this boat....the human is kindly welcome as a vip guest taken care of in the best way possible. The human right now is too tired to resist, as if my Soul had found a way of allowing the integration..or her settle down in depth in a soft way.

 

 

 

  " THE WIZZARD OF OZ " just came back to me the last days, a nice analogie of what i just experienced somehow....and isn't it just what it was about: Experiences?!!