Recently and more and more my Soul, my wise inner voice talks to me , through a voice or images.


For a couple of days I am  pondering  on something, that  hoovers  above  me like a " Damokles Sword".

Since last december  I  attend  a  group  meeting  in  Holland, people  come  from  all over  the  world.

We discussed, create have  fun  enjoy  ourselves, and  those  meetings  always  shifted  mountains  inside  of me.

AS  I was  open and  ready  for  this.


I  must  admit  that  I  had  created   this  , it  allowed  me  to  meet  others  and  travel  diffrent countries., kind of  a  new  family....


Nevertheless since  shortly, I  see also  some other  aspects  in me...that  want  be seen, as  I  am  so  opening  up  and  radiate my true  Light.There is  this  part  inside  underneath,  I  pretend  not  to hear  or  see it, that  feels  no  longer  resonating  100%  with  them.


This  clashes  with  an  old  wounded  part, feeling  separated. A beautiful  illusion, cause  when  my  IAMness comes  in, the  awareness of  WHO  IAM, How  can  I ever  feel  separated!!

So  all this  go's through  me  simultaniously..Tears  releasing  old , my  Souls  voice  breathing with  me, reminding  me  to expand  in  and  through  her.


Showing  me  what really  goes  on, why I feel like  I need  a break:  nothing  wrong  with  anybody  outside  , nore  with  me!

Didn't  "we"  , I  choose  freedom, no  compromise,  no negotiating.

Now the  event    comes  near  I  want  just  for  once be  truthfull with  myself.


If  it  were  just  for the  experience  of  allowing  to  follow  my Souls voice.


Again, while  writing  she  sent  me  an  old  memory : in  my  old  home  I  had  tried  to  offer a  kind  of workshop..and  nothing worked:not  only  didn't  I  find  the approprite  location  , people didn't  even  respond  to  my demand.

Until  I   had  to  ask  myself  if  I really  want to  , as  I already knew  I  want  to leave.

My  expectations of  this  old  part  wanting to  be seen, in  a group be  accepted...all this  drama, trauma  wants to  be  taken  home.I am aware  of  this here  again.



I am  at  a  point where  I  want  do  my stuff,  express and  find  my  truth  in  all the  buffet  I am  offered.  I  was  so  much  in   them, not  even  giving  me  time  and  space  to  hear mySELF,  that  now  I simply  want to  draw  myself  out..and watch  what  happens.


Its just  a  decision  I  take  for  myself.  Beyond  frustration, believe  and this tiny  little  voice telling me " oh no  , you  will be  out of  the  group  energy  for ever. Maybe  you  will miss this   time  the  answer  to  what  you  have  been waiting for." Seriously, not really, cause  I  am  the   creator  also  of  this group.

This  morning  my  Soul  sent  me  pictures  of  my  primary  school.

I  always  had  very  old old teachers, like  really old, and so  were  their  teaching methods.

I  saw  myself  sitting  in  there, feeling like "wrong"  with  what  was  offered.

And  also the power  they had, like  if  I  want  survive  in here, just  go  for  this, shut up....I  was  good!!

Now , today as  me  the  creator  , it  just  compromising.

A  part  of  me  is  challenged,  letting go  the  game  of  hiding  behind  a group,    a stand for  MYSELF, not  knowing  what  will happen.. MY  SOUL a  part  of me jumps  joyfully  around,  exited  for  whatever  I  may  choose., for  her  its just an  experience.



I do  know  what  I  want!!

I AM  clear!!

Taking  those  old  parts  back  home, cause they  are merely  just layers.

Mind  makes  up  stories  of what could  happen, and IT IS  NOT  TRUE.

Not  listening  to  me  right  now, allowing to find out  what  comes  up then, means  cutting  off a  part  of  me.


It  feels  like  dying, and  there  is  this  raw  egg , NEW  , fresh  that  contains ALL the potentials.


Uncomfortable  maybe,  intense  oh  YES,  but  this  is  what  LIFE  is  about  when  we  talk  about  EMBODIED ENLIGHTMENT:  letting  the  SOUL  COMPLETELY  IN and walk  with  the human through  this  sensual experience    here  on  this planet.