Recently and more and more my Soul, my wise inner voice talks to me , through a voice or images.
For a couple of days I am pondering on something, that hoovers above me like a " Damokles Sword".
Since last december I attend a group meeting in Holland, people come from all over the world.
We discussed, create have fun enjoy ourselves, and those meetings always shifted mountains inside of me.
AS I was open and ready for this.
I must admit that I had created this , it allowed me to meet others and travel diffrent countries., kind of a new family....
Nevertheless since shortly, I see also some other aspects in me...that want be seen, as I am so opening up and radiate my true Light.There is this part inside underneath, I pretend not to hear or see it, that feels no longer resonating 100% with them.
This clashes with an old wounded part, feeling separated. A beautiful illusion, cause when my IAMness comes in, the awareness of WHO IAM, How can I ever feel separated!!
So all this go's through me simultaniously..Tears releasing old , my Souls voice breathing with me, reminding me to expand in and through her.
Showing me what really goes on, why I feel like I need a break: nothing wrong with anybody outside , nore with me!
Didn't "we" , I choose freedom, no compromise, no negotiating.
Now the event comes near I want just for once be truthfull with myself.
If it were just for the experience of allowing to follow my Souls voice.
Again, while writing she sent me an old memory : in my old home I had tried to offer a kind of workshop..and nothing worked:not only didn't I find the approprite location , people didn't even respond to my demand.
Until I had to ask myself if I really want to , as I already knew I want to leave.
My expectations of this old part wanting to be seen, in a group be accepted...all this drama, trauma wants to be taken home.I am aware of this here again.
It is ALL ABOUT ME.
I am at a point where I want do my stuff, express and find my truth in all the buffet I am offered. I was so much in them, not even giving me time and space to hear mySELF, that now I simply want to draw myself out..and watch what happens.
Its just a decision I take for myself. Beyond frustration, believe and this tiny little voice telling me " oh no , you will be out of the group energy for ever. Maybe you will miss this time the answer to what you have been waiting for." Seriously, not really, cause I am the creator also of this group.
This morning my Soul sent me pictures of my primary school.
I always had very old old teachers, like really old, and so were their teaching methods.
I saw myself sitting in there, feeling like "wrong" with what was offered.
And also the power they had, like if I want survive in here, just go for this, shut up....I was good!!
Now , today as me the creator , it just compromising.
A part of me is challenged, letting go the game of hiding behind a group, a stand for MYSELF, not knowing what will happen.. MY SOUL a part of me jumps joyfully around, exited for whatever I may choose., for her its just an experience.
I do know what I want!!
I AM clear!!
Taking those old parts back home, cause they are merely just layers.
Mind makes up stories of what could happen, and IT IS NOT TRUE.
Not listening to me right now, allowing to find out what comes up then, means cutting off a part of me.
It feels like dying, and there is this raw egg , NEW , fresh that contains ALL the potentials.
Uncomfortable maybe, intense oh YES, but this is what LIFE is about when we talk about EMBODIED ENLIGHTMENT: letting the SOUL COMPLETELY IN and walk with the human through this sensual experience here on this planet.