Run Away Train

 Wow, just realised that I haven't been here for a whole month. ..

 

So the title may not fit with what someone would imagine to go for a picture, but there are no rules "does or doesn't"

 Why "runaway train, cause its and was an old pattern from me not wanting to FEEL.

Feeling whatever was at my frontdoor: right now often emptyness, lonelynes, boredom, fear, not knowing what comes next, aspects roller coaster.

At any of those uncomfortable moments, i either took my car driving with no agenda, or ran out of my house to go outside nature or  for a coffee  or shops.

I literally left MY HOUSE! My SAFE SPACE.

 

 

Today I changed the game: I felt emptyness, a kind of nervosity, impulse to jump outside again....

And I just sat still, allowed myself to feel , sit with it, breathing with it..no distractions were available, cause I  wasn't hungry: no food distractions

It was raining like hell, : not intresting going outside

Someone had taken over, louder than the aspects, human mind

While sitting watching the rain pooring out, I felt like the rain was  washing me through, liberating me from all the crusts of old time layers, that I allow to be free, nolonger mine..parts and pieces of an old storie,.

A story that had been my identity as long as I have been holding on to it.

 

The last days of an amazingly intense  year  go by : I have for a couple  of years been feeling into  the NEW YEAR , for a word , sensation that describes it to me.

 

For 2018 : the words " gliding through" showed up for a few days already.

This feels good to me, its the way I want feel from now on. Feels smooth easy and gracefully.

 

What is your 2018 word?